So I have never dated outside my race. I think other races are wonderful. I find members of other races to be very nice looking. However, I never find myself attracted to them. I don't consider myself racist...I think it's just a matter of personal preference. After all, I'm not a big fan of light skinned black men either. Something about dark skin just makes me....uh...smile :)
However, I live in a majority white neighborhood. Consequently my daughter goes to a majority white school and thinks white boys are the best thing since sliced bread (and the bread is white too, so she may have a point...)
She issued the challenge that I should date a white man in this experimental dating phase I'm in.
She even referenced the part in the movie Best Man Holiday where they referred to Eddie Cibrian's character as a "Vanilla Swagga Latte!"
And finally, she tried to make me watch the movie Something New again.
A friend echoed the same sentiment and when I protested she said, "Why not? It's not like you're trying to get married right away!"
True....
So I messaged six white guys and got NO responses. I happily reported this to my daughter who responded "Well, you have to do it again. Don't you always tell me to try again?"
At this point, I realize having a child who is old enough to be all in your dating business is not the most ideal situation...however she is the person who was closest to the situation with my ex and wise beyond her years probably because of it. She has been my rock and I stayed in the relationship for her because he was the only father figure she'd ever known. She used to get upset whenever we would talk about breaking up. When she was younger she didn't understand but now that she's older she's over it! I left because she was ready to go! And she was a big advocate for us moving out and me dating again.
More on my last relationship in a blog that will be coming soon titled Dating a Sociopath.
But back to the white guys...so I messaged six more....this time I was careful to find guys who looked open-minded...I also tried to look for ex-military guys because I figured they might be more diverse...I have to be honest here and say that the first time I accidentally on purpose picked only rednecked, possible confederate flag toting racist looking guys so I may be to blame for the lack of responses. Silly me :)
So I got three responses this time.
Guy #1 looked like the sweetest most innocent thing on the site...he mentioned being recently divorced so I thought he'd be relatable. However, he responded to my message saying "I'm honestly just looking for NSA FWB. Let me know if you're still interested." Well! I had to respect the man for his honesty. I responded saying I did appreciate the honesty but I wasn't interested. I told him I would buy him a drink to show how much I appreciated his honesty but I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. He said he understood and that I should message if I changed my mind. And that was that.
Guy #2 seemed pretty straight laced...he said he'd been divorced for three years...we exchanged numbers and we were texting about possibly meeting for coffee which turned into longer texts about coffee preferences and he asked if he could call me. We had a good conversation about coffee, and then about his job...I asked why he was single and he mentioned that his wife had cheated. I asked why he didn't try to reconcile and he actually got a little upset and said he tried but she liked to have sex with multiples and on video and he felt like what belonged to him was HIS ONLY! He then quickly ended the convo saying if I really didn't want to meet with him I should let him know? I assured him I did still want to meet for coffee the next day.
However, I thought his behavior was a red flag considering this was supposed to be resolved three years ago???? My thoughts were that either he was lying about being divorced, or at least lying about being recently divorced.
Well, the next day I overslept. I texted him and let him know that I wouldn't be able to make it by 11. I asked if we could do something later on that day. He said maybe and then he texted later to say the following week would be better. I contacted him the following week and we agreed to meet Wednesday after work for drinks.
And I never heard from him again. I called and texted a few times and told him I didn't mind if he didn't want to meet me...I just wanted to make sure that he was ok. I later saw that he was still on the site and I did see that he was online after that so I didn't contact him again...not sure what happened there but at any rate, it's done!
Guy #3 I messaged this guy because he sounded like he was ex military. I exchanged messages with him and he was actually an ex cop but we had the same military type camaraderie. I asked him if he'd had any success on the site and he responded, yes apparently it's going great because I'm chatting with you...I responded "Ok, that's smooth..." My daughter dubbed him "Dr. Smooth" and I have to admit he is living up to that nickname.
We did a meet and greet and had a great conversation. We have a lot in common being former military and law enforcement. He is also very down to earth, has a great sense of humor and he is good looking.
My sister asked if he was someone I would want to date and I said "Date, yes. sleep with, no"
She responded "Wait, doesn't dating lead to sleeping with?" and I responded "Most guys would like for it to...and therein lies my dilemma...I'm not attracted to him."
We went on our first date (movie date) and then talked afterward and again it was a lot of fun. I even told him what my daughter's nickname for him was and he said it is now one of his favorite nicknames. I didn't want to bring up the subject of race but I did ask him if he could dance and he said "I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm white...I can snap my fingers and move my upper body or I can do a two step and move my lower body...but I can't do both!"
I laughed and told him that was a stereotype and he said, "No, it's not! But luckily I'm like the Dos Equis guy...I'm so smooth I don't have to dance!" I said "I agree, hence the nickname Dr. Smooth." So then I tried to gingerly approach the subject of next steps...I told him I didn't know what the rules were regarding kissing, etc. He said "we are too old for that so there are no rules but I don't kiss on the first date"...phew! In the meantime I continue to enjoy talking to him and luckily he has his kids this weekend so I have two weeks to figure out something before we can go on another date. I was doing dates during the week but that is exhausting!!!!
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